Innocence Lost

Innocence Lost. Acrylic & pastel on masonite, 48 x 48 inches. © 2011 by Kathy Crabbe100 Words 5/24

It is amazing how one stroke of a brush or line of charcoal can exhilarate. Without over-thinking I let the painting itself guide me into new territory, Aries rising leads the way, until something unique and intriguing is discovered.

Sometimes a little insanity is a good thing...that's what art has taught me.

Amorphous forms arise from the murky deep. Sea creatures feed.

Art making requires supreme faith in one's humanity, or what's the point in living? Working alone we face ourselves - can you handle it? What kind of world do you want to create given a choice?


My painting dreams ME into being almost as if I don't exist until I paint it so. Sometimes I'd like them to be more political, but often they just don't care...their roots grow deeper, their consciousness primeval...a reminder of hidden depths we've yet to plunder.

Innocence lost, a forgotten melody, a charm, a far off friend, a sorrow buried...these marks I make a reminder.

Paintings I love: the Post Impressionists, Expressionism, the Fauves: Matisse, Gaugin, Kirchner, Nolde, Munch, Der Blaue Reiter, early 20th century Paris, woodcuts - raw emotions.

Where to go next? One false move it's ruined.


"No" to painting today. It's so perfect and sunny but paint it is and so I sit and stare and wait and ponder and write and dream and worry and wait and hem and haw and fiddle and fuss until the birds and the breeze and me are in synch then I close my eyes, take off my glasses, put down this pen.

Can things be easy just for once? Like having someone else sell my work so I can paint and printmake and write and Circle. Does there have to be a hard part. Can't we all flow?


What's the good of expressing emotions? Well, for the "armoured amazon" (Schierse Leonard), let down by an emotion-less father figure it spells hope for mankind and I do mean the 'man' part.

The fire that burns within must be released or else one dies from the inside. Commercializing art-making brings no joy or hope or spark to me. Creating and releasing. The trick takes place in the next act: the selling and marketing of the work - not my job, but like breadcrumbs to the wolf, my paintings are being discovered by the trickster who resides in each of us.

EXTRA BIT: Perhaps by facing and owning this trickster, this huckster of dime store dreams, we can save what's left of our culture and ourselves. If dreams are paintings let mine save nothing, not souls, not dreams, not minds, no escape from ourselves. So what's left? What's the point? There is no point. We've only got our own life to make a difference. How will you make a difference? The point is to go beyond everything and into new territory and yes, I'm sure it's been explored before, but for me it's new - that's where the thrill lies. New for me, is having faith in my work in and of itself and for no other reason other than that it exists and its good and its speaks to me.


Sometimes it feels like I spend more time shutting out the world than I do being in it, through meditation, deep thinking, deep feeling. The time spent on this is immeasurable (a word?) - time does not equal money. How little money can we exist on? How to simplify so that basic needs are met, leaving room for art-making, play, deep reverie. A longing for one-ness with the universe, the Divine, the source, the thread connecting all I do. Sometimes we seek outside of ourselves to fill this emptiness, this loneliness felt deep within our soul, but outside sources can never fill this bottomless pit. Instead we need to recognize our yearning for what it truly is, a search for source, a longing for re-connection with our Divine self.

In process - acrylic and pastel on masonite - 48" x 48"

When we realize this - that our heart-home lies always within reach and that our true home is always within ourselves, we are home, we are blessed, we are free.

"I love the ground whereon he stands." From the song "Black Is The Colour" by Marcy D'arcy & The Prodigal Sons

Musical Ambiance: Women of the World Celtic II

The Time Is Now

Sometimes its sooooo hard to calm down and focus on painting, often due to feeling the pressure of everything else I have to do - I'm sure you know what I mean! How I Calm & Center (a really quick meditation that WORKS!)

Close my eyes. Deep breath. Sit with eyes closed, just listening. Breathing deeply. Relaxing my body. Checking in and asking, "How do I feel?" Picking music that fits my mood (eg. The album "Flow, River of My Soul" by Single Gun Theory) Letting the music energize and sweep me up. And I'm OFF and painting!!!

"The time is now." From the song "Transmission" by Single Gun Theory

In process - acrylic & charcoal on masonite - 48" x 48"

"Thank you forces of good, Thank you positivity, Thank you, joy." From the song "Metaphysical" by Single Gun Theory

The best feeling: like anything is possible!

Musical Ambiance: Flow, River of My Soul by Single Gun Theory

Fire & Air

I express my feelings through my art.

But, I'm finding that when I get involved in rectifying an astrological chart, I'm not using my intuition, it's strictly analytical, very mental, thinking-based, in-my-head, and so I have a hard time telling whether it's true or not. I think chart analysis is more about conversation, interactions. I also just have to quote Richard Idemon (astrologer) who says, "We think we can look at an astrological chart and find truth, but we cannot. We're going to find degrees and degrees of mythology". Excerpted from his book "The Magic Thread - Astrological Chart Interpretation Using Depth Psychology"

This month's Full Moon is in Libra and I'm delving into an exploration of taking on my power and claiming space. That's why I'm identifying with this painting, the Fire Bird - she is a combination of air and water and the cardinal element (leadership, centrifugal forces - going outward). Everything is astrology these days, it's a whirl of archetypes, process, interaction and depth psychology.

Art gets me into my body, my physicality, my heart - it is a hands-on experiential process.